The Bitten One

I’m a super sensitive person who gets upset or sad at every small thing that happens around me. There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but it’s a part of me and I can’t change it. When I love, I love with all my heart and when I hate, trust me even if you go through hell and back I still won’t see your face again. That’s just the way I am.

Friends are people I get attached to and care for just like that malnutrition person, Gollom, from Lord of the Rings who goes around saying “my precious”.  But having said that, if the very same friends turn out to be two faced, blood sucking parasites with nothing better to do in life then to make you feel like you’re the bestie one minute and then the most outcast person the very next, then sorry but you don’t deserve to be a part of me. A part of my life that is. (yes I know the sentence is too long).

A particular set of friends are based on gossiping with malicious in the name of innocent passing of information, about everyone else’s life and happenings not realizing that details shared may be personal or at times hurtful (mark harmful) as well. They tend to have a habit of simply sharing information at the ‘right’ time, so that suspicions can rise and after a series of fights and cold shoulders the friendships frizzle out and die. Lies play a major role too. To show supremacy (and look for jealousy maybe?) lies are spun to such an extent that at the end of the day one never knows what’s right and what’s wrong. But as a person I know says, “such is the way of the Samurai”. Friends are supposed to get you out of your misery not put you back in it. No one is interested in a random XYZ’s break up or make up, professional or personal life. Let them live their life and a nice suggestion; live your own life as well.

When working the biggest lesson that you can gain is that no one is your friend. No one. They don’t care if your dead or alive, happy or sad, angry or agitated. All they want is to live in the fake cloud of happiness that they create and fly by it. As long as they are a part of the popular or cool crowd the skies are sunny dandy for them, but the moment an uncool person comes along, the clouds turn dark and the skies seem to pour cats and dogs on them. I seriously at times wonder what the definition of cool is in their minds? Is being cool going out to renowned expensive eateries, wearing branded wear that half the people can’t even pronounce (Louis Vuitton and Gucci are main examples), or traveling abroad? Heavens forbid if you can’t do that. Or is being cool a part of reflecting your grooming, looks, thinking 'Urdu' is a language that is beneath you, and above all how well you can cuss out in English?

Friends are supposed to stick out with each other, not ignore, have fall outs and ultimately become people who are acquaintances with ‘smirky’ smiles and sarcasm in the name conversations. So this is an not just work based but otherwise as well.

The crux of all this is that stay alone and be at peace, don’t get close to anyone till they are as crazy as you and have the same madness as you have. After all you came alone and you will go alone as well. 

From the Bitten One. 

Off love and heartbreak

If I was the "bestest thing that ever happened" to someone ... then why the lies to ruin what we had? If I was supposed to be so "giving and loving" then why is it that i got no love in return? I never wanted anything but love, care and honesty but all i got was lies, deception and piece by piece of heart break till nothing remained but shattered pieces that left me with nothing but emptiness and pain. Lots and lots of pain. You broke me.
You have made me into a demon. I don't trust, I'm suspicious of everything, I think love is a lie. You proved to me that there is no such thing as love. It's a lie.
You said i made you into a "better person". Why did you change me into the worse possible being alive? Why did you ruin love for me? Why did you make me a lie to all? I lie that I am happy. I'm not. I'm broken and no one can fix me.
A game of deception played not by one but by many that are present. Everyone you knew played a part.
You have made me believe that everyone lies even if they don't. You made me so insecure that I don't have faith in anyone. You made the word marriage a joke. Now I can't trust anyone when they talk of marriage, it makes me unsure of myself. Your flings in the name of friendships with the opposite gender have made me doubt all kinds of friendships. Then you asked me to forgive you.
I guess some part of me has forgiven what you did, but then there is another part of me cannot forget what you did so who do I recover from that? I feel like, love an any other related emotion is fake. The demons you have given me keep telling me everything is a game. Your mind games were well played. So yes you were the first and last person who broke me.


A personal ode to love. 

The night I lost you

Sometimes, like today, I got scared, I needed you today but you weren’t there. I didn’t want to speak of love or marriage. I just wanted your support, but you weren’t there to give it. You said right after dinner I could call yet an hour later you were not bothered. All I needed was a little care. Nothing more nothing less. Your game was more important than my worry. I was upset and crying yet you seemed cold. I was shaking and needed warmth you seemed aloof to my pain. I know I’m not pretty, I’m far from it. I know you have other options better than me, but I know one thing you will never find a girl like me. No one will love and care for you like I have. No one will stand by you like I have. I care for you like my husband, my soul mate, in short my life. I am willing to give my life to be with you, but are you willing to do the same? I doubt it.

Everyone says positivity is important, but you know what I have been hurt so many times that I no longer am happy or positive. I feel like a lost soul. Useless and unwanted. 

One of a kind affair

I am having an affair. There I said it loud and clear. No longer am I going to hide it. The affair is getting to consuming for me. The danger, the thrill, the secret meetings. It gives an adrenaline rush to the bones. The heady feeling when it touches the lips, the sweet and tangy taste, the hot and spicy mood, the crisp and light touch all make me weak in the knees. What can I say? When something is so good looking, almost delicious and yum to look at. The heart tends to skip a beat. The love keeps growing it cannot stop. It just keeps growing. What do I do?

It soothes me, consumes me, gives

me comfort when I need it. The moment there is a tightening in the stomach, it compels me to unwind and feel the peace. To enjoy every bite every nip every lick and every suck. What can I do? I truly love food!

Remembering 2014 ... Welcoming 2015!

With the end of the year and the beginning of a new one, this year has proved to have its own turmoil for me. From love to life, from work to fun it has given me good times and bad times, fun times and sad times all in a basket of emotions that if not have matured me, have definitely given me lessons to from.

I have laughed, fought, cried, smiled, dreamt, feared, and above all have learnt to honor life for what it’s worth. The year began with domestic trips and a new place of employment that I came to love (with its ups and downs and lack of sparks in me! :D). It bought on new friends and some renewed owns too!  It also bought along a line of friends that became acquaintances followed by becoming strangers in my life. 

To my friends who have stuck on with me, I love you all, you’re the best people in my life cause you have clearly understood me and have decided to be in my life no matter what! Be it a simple cup of tea, ice cream rounds, food street rounds, running around all of Lahore or road trips, you guys are the glue I need to keep me sticky and happy!

This year I loved again and loved with all my heart, and will love till the very end of time for sure. From a simple poke to a bond stronger than friends, you’re a pillar that I can always lean on for support no matter what. With fights and forgiveness, understanding and care, at times the hurt and despair you have become life and one that means the world to me and for the next year and years to come. You are life for me a part of my soul that I can’t afford to lose.

I lost loved ones, towards the end of the year, words cannot express how I feel and how much I miss you. The secret trips to the café at the corner, our round up trips to itwar bazaar, the late night bitching sessions, the fights and the advice. I can’t believe your gone.

To my mother who has been there for me through thick and thin, I hope you remain so for the rest of my life, silently watching over me and guiding me. You bear my tantrums better than anyone else and wipe my tears when it feels like the world has ended for me.

To my sisters, close and far, and their little ones, the movies together, the gossip sessions, the advice shared and the fact that for you guys I’m still the baby. I love you all!

The last day, that is today, and new found respect for my dad. The support he shared with me today made me feel stronger than ever before. Our relation has its own little space where we fight more that talk, but you have and always will be someone I love and adore.

Now for the year 2015. I welcome you with open arms. I hope you turn out to be even better than the last with new lessons (good ones) and news that is full of happiness, joy and lots and lots of love! I want to see prosperity, happiness and eagerness for each new day as it rolls from tomorrow onwards. I want it to be my year! I’m no mother Teresa but I want happiness for all and prosperity for the one I love and care about with a pray that only the very best is given.

Welcome 2015.

Verde ... the new exclusive..!

A nice exclusive cafe that can be found in the very heart of Clifton (Near SZABIST) is a definite place to add on the "to visit" list if you haven't been  there already. Upon entering the small green gate you get a lovely refreshing view of the garden (where I believe they grow most of their vegetables), fountain and lights that present a cool at the same time creative ambiance for the place. Sheesha is also served these with a variety of flavours (we had mint and watermelon), but that is served on the deck area that has been made not inside (a small hall surrounded by glass to see the view outside).

The service (when we went) was excellent with the food coming in on time without us having to wait or worry about the time. We had ordered Pizza (Beef Pepperoni) that had a thin crust and an amazing layer of cheese with beef pepperoni. We polished on the slices, savoring the taste of melted cheese and beef and the deliciously crispy yet somehow soft crust. The dessert was a bit of a disappointment though. We had mainly ordered two desserts - Chocolate Lave and Crème Brulee. The first to be served was the Chocolate Lava, and though it looked highly appealing (I am a chocolate lover so anything that has chocolate has my vote), the serving size was incredibly small and the lava of chocolate didn't ooze out like many that I have tried in other restaurants/cafes. On the whole the sweetness was just right as along with the ice cream that complimented it well.

The Crème Brulee on the other hand was a complete disappointment. Served in a small bowl, it too could fall under the minute portions list (if ever any would be made), and the taste too was not as well considering the fact that the sugar was burnt from the sides more that it should have been and the middle was too soft. Over all on a scale of 1 - 5 I'd give it a 4; that too because of its outlook, ambiance, soft lighting and overall look that it projected.  

“Where have all the cowboys gone?” An exploration on the changing self-identity of urban Pakistani men.

Time changes everything. As time goes on not only do trends change, but so does fashion, etc. so with time the tall, dark and sexy man whose ruggedly handsome and suave

A man how doesn’t worry about his looks . All this seems to describe a man soon to be outdated and obsolete thanks to the changes that are taking place in this ever evolving society.  

Television is seen to be the greatest development of the 20th century (Ige, 2004). Many arguments exist in favor of the influence of television on people as well as the personality factors that are seen as being common to television viewers. Television viewers are seen to want to know about the ongoing culture of society through the television and are less active than non-television viewers both in house chores as well as outside home activities such as going to museums and movies. They are able to achieve satisfaction with doing lesser number of activities than non-television viewers (Jackson-Beeck & Robinson, 1981).

Television, along with peers of consumers, appears to be an important agent in adolescent consumer socialization and increases interaction of adolescents with parents for consumption related queries (Churchill Jr. & Moschis, 1979), meaning that it could aid in increasing the influence of family in socialization. It also is seen to help in the construction of a mental picture of the real world (O’Guinn & Shrum, 1997). We might therefore come to believe how others live and behave without ever actually meeting them and because of the presence of more affluence in television programs, television viewers would believe that more affluence existed in the real world as well, and feel disadvantaged. Thus they might want to buy more fashion clothes as a result of watching television channels.

Television usage could also increase the awareness of the incidence of crime for television viewers (Wyer Jr., Shrum, & O’Guinn, 1998). Consumers might not think about the source of any information with regards to television and would in fact treat it as being true even though it might be false, unless they are made aware of a possible bias.

Television advertisements are also seen to have an impact on consumer role perceptions as well as sex-role perceptions (Moschis & Moore, 1982). Over a period of time, increased advertising exposure causes a person’s behavior to be less socially desirable (Moschis et al.). It might make them buy products such as cigarettes which are of no social value. One thing to remember is that ads have to be placed in likeable programs to get more positive product impressions (Murry Jr., Lastovicka, & Singh, 1992).

Therefore a good ad might be useless unless it is placed in the proper television timeslot of programming.

The influence of advertisements is shown through the use of premium offers along with the product itself (such as reusable containers or gifts), which is seen to influence consumers to like or desire the product (Shimp, Dyer, & Divita, 1976).

What Females think: 

Historically, consumer and market researchers have viewed women in the traditional roles of wife, mother, homemaker, and hostess, or single girl preparatory to these roles (Venkatesh, 1980). A Pakistani woman’s place in society can be seen in light of this study on the changing roles of women, which although very old, would help shed light on adolescents views. In our view, the traditional Pakistani woman’s role is reflective of the traditional American housewife of the 1960’s and 1970’s. Among the three categories listed by Venkatesh, the study on feminists is of particular interest since they are closest to our sample characteristics. They were found to be younger, better educated, and revealed a greater sense of independence in terms of how they perceived themselves within the household, more self-confident, and less prone to television viewing (Venkatesh et al.). Other studies have shown that females have a stronger orientation toward their peers than do males (Churchill Jr. & Moschis, 1979).

In a study on male and female processing strategies (Meyers-Levy, & Maheswaran, 1991), it was found that a female processing often entails substantial, detailed elaboration of message content, sometimes resulting in female’s heightened sensitivity to the particulars of message claims (Meyers-Levy et al.).